Coming to you straight from Heartbreak Hotel, here are some of the best things that you don’t want (but need) to hear after you’ve had your heart crushed and puréed.
1. “I’m here for you.” Totally cliché? Absolutely, but effective nonetheless. Knowing that you can call on a friend to bawl your eyes out because your ex-partner posted a picture of a meal that you used to enjoy together is priceless.
2. “Take it one day at a time.” Closing your eyes can start an endless, looping film of your ended relationship, good memories and bad, especially at night. Getting out of bed the next morning is an accomplishment. Know that and know that you have to take it hour by hour, day by day, for awhile. There’s nothing wrong with that.
3. “Be mature.” In this age of oversharing, it is way too easy to go on a social media rant about your ex, condemning him or her to the deepest pits of hell for screwing you over. Do not do this. When your feelings have settled, you’ll regret the things you said to hurt someone that you care so much about.
4. “Don’t lose hope.” No, it didn’t work out and yes, it sucks. Use this time to focus on you and what you want out of a relationship because it wasn’t perfect; it never is. There are always flaws and things that have to be worked and compromised on. Keep pushing forward.
5. “I have no advice for you.” Well, shit. If that isn’t the most honest thing that someone can tell you after you’ve just had your heartbroken, I don’t know what is. None of us know what the best course of action is after a breakup since every relationship and the individuals that comprise it are unique and admitting that is just as spectacular as giving a soul-stirring speech to rally your spirits back up.
6. “Apologize.” Tell your friends or family who you’ve ignored while you were blissfully happy in your relationship that you apologize for treating them as such now that it’s over. Tell your ex if you have something to apologize for. Say it, mean it and move on, but don’t prolong it. There is a window of time to act within and you’ll know it.
7. “There’s nothing wrong with you.” There isn’t. Despite the things that your partner may have told you, you are worthy of being loved and being cared for in a manner that is respectful, genuine and true. You do deserve it.
8. “Time heals all.” While certainly anger-inducing, it is quite accurate, and probably the absolute last thing that you want to hear right now. Remember your very first heartbreak? Doesn’t hurt as much now, does it? If this is your first big breakup – sorry, kiddo. They only get harder from here since more things become involved in relationships as you get older, but at least you know you can make it out on the other end. A little more bruised up than before, but still pretty much whole.
9. “It’s a lesson learned.” Another overused expression in regards to breakups, but isn’t it? You’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. Don’t be so quick to discount it. At least you’ll know what you want and what you will be willing to fight for the next time around.
10. “Let’s go get a drink.” Let a little loose. Once the liquid courage sets in, you may be better able to express your feelings to your friends (just have them hold your phone/keys for the rest of the night). Just please, don’t be that person in the bar, sobbing into your drink. No one can handle this person, least of all you.
11. “Love doesn’t die, it just changes.” Perhaps that love morphs into self-appreciation, maybe it takes the form of a new project you’d been putting off. Or it waits for your next relationship. What it ultimately ends up as is completely in your hands.
12. “It’s no one’s fault.” Obviously, this can’t apply to every situation, but generally speaking, it isn’t your ex’s fault and it isn’t yours either. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work.
13. “You did your best/gave it your all.” This goes hand in hand with the previous point. You can be the perfect mate, but if that person is not ready to receive you as you are and meet you there, there is nothing that you can do to change the way things ultimately end up. There will be someone who will come along that will be ready for all that you have to offer and match you.
14. “You are strong/beautiful/capable.” It can be hard to look at yourself in the mirror and not notice your “flaws” and wonder if those things are what drove your lover away. Your purported flaws make you beautiful and if your ex couldn’t see the beauty in them, you’re better off without them anyway!
15. “Everything happens for a reason.” The quote, “If you truly love someone, let them go. If they come back, it’s meant to be. If not, it wasn’t meant to be,” comes to mind. There is a plan for you and this was placed on your path for a reason. That reason may not reveal itself to you right away, but in due time, you’ll look back and realize that this relationship made you more appreciative of love, stronger, or showed you can care about someone else more than yourself.
16. “It’s his/her loss.” Not only that, but it’s your gain in the end. I believe that we’ve all got an intuition that lets us know if the person that we’re with is truly a good fit for us. You may overlook some things, but deep down, you know. Everyone that you come into contact with and end up falling for is meant for you to be with, no matter how much you may want it to be otherwise. Some people you come into contact and fall in love with simply aren’t good for us and when you are honest with yourself, you are free to revel in the benefits of not being with that partner.
17. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea.” Seems like a wading pool right now, right? Give it a few months and you’ll see it expand as you gain more space from your last relationship.
18. “Let it out.” Cry. Scream. Eat a bucket of chicken. Workout twice a day. Do what you need to keep those feelings from bottling inside of you. Just remember that these things are to help yourself feel better, not worse. Take care of yourself the best way you know how without going overboard.
19. “You’ll be alright (just not tonight).” Okay, this isn’t mine – Sara Bareilles sang it. It’s going to take time to get over your ex. Don’t rush it. You’ll have good days, bad ones, terrible ones and wonderful ones. They’re all equally important in the healing process.
20. “You need me to slash some tires?” Because really, nothing says healing more than good old-fashioned revenge served up Carrie Underwood-style!